Ch, ch, ch, ch, Changes…

I’ve been quiet lately.  Although I have a lot I want to say, I just can’t seem to find the right words yet.  I’ve been through so many life changing events in the past year, it’s hard to know where to start.  Business is good, life is getting better.  The sunshine is starting to peer through the storm clouds.  I’m starting to feel alive again.  I wish I could tell yall more details, but it’s not the time or place.  What I can tell you is I feel more myself, and more in touch with my feelings, needs, wants and dreams more than I ever have.

Have you ever been so caught up in a TV show, that even though the characters upset you, you’re tired with it, and it’s not satisfying anymore, you just keep watching it anyway?  Habitually, we just do what we have been doing.  Even if it’s not working anymore, we just keep on.  Sometimes its about being loyal to something or someone we believe in.  Holding on to what it was, instead of embracing what’s to come.

On January 1, 2015 I made a promise to myself that this year I would make changes in my life that were long overdue.  It has been one hell of a ride staying strong through it all, and there is no doubt, my heart aches for things that are lost and is open to love what lies ahead.  I didn’t realize how numb with drama I had become, and how much of me was dormant.  How much of my life was a lie, how much of me I was keeping suppressed to try to make someone else happy.

I never realized when making the simple resolution “Changes” what that was going to mean, and how much David Bowie already said everything I was feeling.  So I’d like to close this blog with those lyrics, and say that all you have is your gut.  When its telling you to do something, there is no doubt you need to do it or be sick forever.  Positivity is more than words, its a way of life.  Negativity is a poison, and will consume you if you let it.  You have to be strong enough to reach inside yourself, face up to what is right and wrong for you, and push on.  You can’t fix anyone, and you can only save yourself.  Don’t waste your life away trying to fulfill someone else’s happiness.  Turn and face the strain.

Changes by David Bowie
I still don’t know what I was waiting for
And my time was running wild
A million dead-end streets
Every time I thought I’d got it made
It seemed the taste was not so sweet
So I turned myself to face me
But I’ve never caught a glimpse
Of how the others must see the faker
I’m much too fast to take that test

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Don’t want to be a richer man
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Just gonna have to be a different man
Time may change me
But I can’t trace time

I watch the ripples change their size
But never leave the stream
Of warm impermanence and
So the days float through my eyes
But still the days seem the same
And these children that you spit on
As they try to change their worlds
Are immune to your consultations
They’re quite aware of what they’re going through

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Don’t tell t hem to grow up and out of it
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Where’s your shame
You’ve left us up to our necks in it
Time may change me
But you can’t trace time

Strange fascination, fascinating me
Changes are taking the pace I’m going through

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Oh, look out you rock ‘n rollers
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Pretty soon you’re gonna get a little older
Time may change me
But I can’t trace time
I said that time may change me
But I can’t trace time